To Do

Tonight's a busy one and it's already almost 10. Dangit. I had dinner at my favorite Korean family's house so my stomach is happily full of yummy food. Unfortunately, I'm way behind on what I need to be doing. Alright, here's part of my list:

1. Pack for Denver. I'll be leaving TOMORROW for training at WorldVenture. Can't wait! I'll spend Friday-Sunday with my aunt and uncle and then head to headquarters. That sounds so serious: "headquarters". I'm like a secret spy.

2. Paint my nails with nail strengthener. They got pansy weak with the acrylic on them. (check)

3. Address and stamp my thank you cards.

4. Pay some bills.

5. Wash some clothes. (check)

4. Change my profile picture on facebook. I've had that one up for what seems like forever. (almost check)

5. Organize the madness of my room. This might have to wait until I return.

6. Figure out how I'm going to get everything that I need to done tomorrow before I board that plane.

Whew. Ok, here I go! Pray that I'm teachable at training and that I learn tons!

(Check me out! I just wrote TWO posts in ONE week. I'm trying to be more consistent. Aren't you proud of me!? Let's see if I can keep this up...)

A Great Weekend

Real quick update to say that this past weekend was just amazing and exactly what I needed. This whole process has been a huge rollercoaster of ups and downs with last week being a huge down of disappointments and discouragements. A breaking point was reached and God broke me of a lot. It was all much needed but difficult. It's all a process that I'm still going through.

On Saturday, my traveling Southern translator friend Mary and I traversed to Virginia Beach. We ended up arriving later then expected (don't follow just any sign to Virginia Beach...) so we had a late lunch/early dinner at this incredible restaurant a few blocks from the beach. We then walked down to the beach and happily strolled for awhile down the shore. The water was ridiculously cold so we didn't venture in. After that, we walked the boardwalk in search of the best salt water taffy one could find. It was a harder search than anticipated. After buying some that looked mediocore (which were deemed "crappy taffy"), we found the motherload of amazing fresh incredible taffy. Four pounds of taffy between the two of us later, we headed back to the car to traverse to the McFarland's. After changing and de-grossifying ourselves, we all went out to dinner and had great conversation. They both showed us such love and care. It was truly a refreshing time. The next morning we headed to church, with a quick stop at 7-11 for my caffienne addiction. I've always wanted to go to a black church and on Sunday, I got my wish. Mary and I were, I think, one of about five white people and I LOVED it. I felt like I was back in Africa, only there was AC and it wasn't as formal. I have never felt so welcomed in a church in my life. I should have counted how many hugs I received. If I lived remotely near, I would totally attend there. Mary and I kept commenting to each other how much we were just loving the service and the people. Talk about refreshing! It was a two hour service that felt like 30 minutes. A group of us headed to lunch afterwards and it was a great time! Heading back to Lynchburg, we reflected on the love of this part of the body of Christ. God knew that I needed this weekend to refresh and be encouraged. Whew. It was so great!

This Friday, I will fly to Denver! I'll spend the weekend with my aunt and uncle and then head to Littleton for training at WorldVenture. I cannot wait to meet everyone that has helped me so much on this crazy journey!

Soo...want some taffy? I got plenty to share.

Easter thoughts and more

I feel as though so much has happened that I'm debating on what all to include. Not to mention my mind feels so scattered and overwhelmed but I am just so overdue for an update! I'll try to tie everything together and hopefully it all makes sense. For your sake, I'm hoping so.

My parents came to town last Friday so it was great to spend Easter with them. They also helped pack up most of my earthly belongings that I have left here in Lynchburg. What is still here I am referencing as the "remnants", aka. what I'll need for the rest of my time here. 

Easter brought loads of thoughts going through my head. Due to the discussion at my small group on Monday and then discussing at another small group on Thursday to speak, these thoughts were rehashed over and over again in my mind. My pastor went over John 12 on Palm Sunday, taking a break from our study in Revelation. For some reason he didn't think going over the Mark of the Beast on Palm Sunday was good. Go figure. :) 

Here's my main one:

-John 12 is the first indication that Judas had some greed issues. It wasn't anything huge. He was just taking some money here and there. I mean, he was a good guy. He was a disciple which tells us that he was good enough to be chosen as one of the twelve. His little sin grew; grew so much that the offer of thirty pieces of silver caused him to betray Christ. Hidden sin causes a foothold for Satan that grows...and grows.

This weekend I'll be heading to Virginia Beach to speak at a church. The 24th I will be heading to Denver for my training at WorldVenture. I heard from Catharine, the head missionary in Uganda. She encouraged me in how they're anticipating my arrival. I am so anxious to get there! 

I'm definitely in need of prayer. I'm overwhelmed and stressing out. The uncertainties of life are hard. I have no control over anything and it's difficult. Obviously, it's all in His hands. It's just hard to hand it over.

Wait...it's April!?

For most, April 1st was a chance to fool everyone and laugh. I personally had a slight freak out session. Ok, so it wasn't so slight. With it being March, my expected departure date seemed oh-so-far away. I still had time to raise the funds, spend time with people one last time, etc. April!? It is now APRIL!? That realization came to me at work. Tears filled my eyes, I began to babble uncontrollably and wave my face to fan my fears away. I was obviously unsuccessful. My expected departure date is now best expressed in weeks instead of months. In 20 days, I will be flying to Denver for training at WorldVenture. We're talking in days now. Oh. My. Gosh. Freak. Out. I've been attempting not to panic which usually involves just not thinking about it. I have a feeling that's not quite the healthy response. Luckily, I have friends that are masters at calming me down...mainly by reminding me Who is in control. Most of my freak outs come from me trying to feel as though I'm in control of all this. We can see how well that's going, right? :) I've said it once and I guess I'll be saying it for the thousandth time, it is just awesome and incredible to see how God works through people. To know that I'm surrounded and supported by my family and friends and even absolute strangers means the world to me. How cool is the body of Christ!? It's led me to laughter and tears. It helps to melt my fears and insecurity of support raising to see how God truly does have all of this in His control. I'm still working at giving Him that control and not trying to take it on. 

PS: That's really hard. Really.

Today is a beeaautiful spring day in Lynchburg. Spring is, in fact, my favorite season. Winter is disappearing and buds are appearing everywhere. Flowers blossom and the sun shines. Love it! Oh, and I must tell you how my trip to Georgia went. Whew, what an adventure Mary and I had! We spend Friday night up to Saturday early evening with my great friend Jill. I'm hoping that it wasn't the last time that I'll get to spend with her before I go but I do know that I'll see her when she comes to visit me in Uganda!! THAT will be exciting! Jill, I'll make sure to scout out the nail salons for you in Kampala. :) After that, we headed south of Atlanta where we experienced an extremely generous church where my friend Bryan is the youth pastor. I ended up sharing my testimony (very last minute) to the youth group. It was a cool reminder to see how far God has taken me from an angry teenager who wanted nothing to do with God to a woman who is heading overseas for Him. Amazing, right? He does such miracles. I then was able to share with the church how they could be involved in His work in Uganda. Ah, public speaking. God uses the weak to show His strength, right? He proves that in me. 

Speaking of such...I've started reading in 1 Corinthians. It's been awhile since I've read this book and oh my word, there is just so much that He's been teaching me! Chapter three has especially taught me. Paul admonishes the Corinthians because they've started claiming that they are Paul's disciples instead of Christ's. Check it out: 

"For when one says, 'I am of Paul,' and another, 'I am of Apollos,' are you not mere men? What then is Apollos? And what is Paul? Servants through whom you believed, even as the Lord gave opportunity to each one. I planted, Apollos watered, but God was causing the growth." (3:4-7)

And what is Sarah? Sarah is a servant of the Lord who plants and waters but only HE causes growth. Pray that I continue to recognize my role in Him: a servant obeying His commands.

Tonight we're having an office party, the last one before I go! It's a tradition that we have each semester. It's potluck style and I just love it. I have been so blessed with this job for the past four years. We've always had awesome student workers and have become like a little family. It's going to be so weird to not have this all be my every day life anymore. Time to get that lasagna started! :)

Froofy?

I have this whole post that I wrote on Word while on a layover and my attempts to copy it in have been unsuccessful. Boo. I'll try that later. Your disappointment has to be intense. Don't fret. It's coming...soon.

Tomorrow I head to the great ATL (that's Atlanta, GA for all of those non-ghetto folks out there)! I'll get to spend time with my amazing friend Jill and then I'll be speaking another friend's church south of Atlanta sharing about Uganda. I'll be roadtripping with my friend Mary where she'll be teaching me the ways of the South. I call her my Southern public speaking coach. My Midwestern quick talk has to be slooooweeed dooooown. I'm not good at that. I want everyone to know everything AS FAST AS POSSIBLE. Hand me some grits and slow me down.

I did something for the first time a few days before my brother's wedding. Yes, I am 26 years old (man, I feel old) and I had yet to ever have acrylic nails. I feel froofy. I'm now one of "those" girls. You know the ones. They get their nails did all the time. They pound on the make-up. They're always wearing the latest trends. And yes, they have acrylic nails. It's been quite the adjustment. My typing skills have plummeted. The sound of my nails hitting the keys could wake up a small child.  I accidentally scratch people. I pick the acrylic. A lot. I'm constantly playing with them. I drum my nails on every surface I can find. This isn't a negative for me (it's becoming a fun addiction) but for others it is. I'm just not a froofy girl. This will most likely be a plus in Uganda.

Last weekend, I spent at a friend's house all by myself. They were gone for the weekend and I holed up there to read and relax. It was amazing. I at last finished "Shadow of the Almighty". I feel as though I could write a book about just what God taught me through Jim Elliot's life. The daily surrender. The focus on the Lord. The determination to share the incredible news of Christ. The willingness to give all and die for such a mission. All of it struck so close to my heart.

I feel like time is flying. I kind of want it to just stop. Days come and go. Weeks pass. I mean, people, it is almost April! This is just crazy! Where exactly did March go? I have no clue. My expected departure date is coming soon. This slightly freaks me out. I feel as though I can't even think about the future until I know more about it. Once the money comes in, the tickets can be bought and then it'll all seem so real. I'll have a flight plan. It'll be official. So. please, pray that everything comes in! I want to GO! I've been sharing about Uganda in small groups and will continue to. Every time it reminds me of what He has done, what He is doing and what He will do. He has truly brought me a long way.

Currently watching American Idol. Cannot believe Scott is safe and Matt is still in the bottom two. My votes on Danny Gokey. All the way. 

Comfort

All along this whole missionary journey, I've said that I think it's crazy that I will be a missionary. Why? Ok, let's visualize this. You hear the word "missionary". What do you picture in your head? For me, I picture a homely woman with a weirdly patterned skirt that she made herself, hair in a bun and Proverbs 31 written all over her. She's calm, quiet and has twelve kids. Or so. She can quote any Scripture while at the same time show you how to make a meal over an open fire. She is super missionary woman; able to survive all and share Christ at the same time.

In case you don't know, I'm not that picture. I can't sew for my life (straight lines and I have never been friends), my hair is short (with some sass) and I'm sarcastic as all get out. I don't have kids (or a husband but that's another topic, right?). Oh, and I have this fear of fire. Matches freak me out. I'm all about those lighters that you can just click on. Cooking meals (ie. more than smores) over a fire would be frightening.

We all see our own weaknesses so clearly. I can point out all of the reasons why I don't fit into this missionary mold that I have created in my head. The beauty of it is that there is no mold. I've said this to a lot of my friends when referencing me as a missionary: our God is not a mold maker but a mold breaker! Yeah, it sounds cheesy...but it's so true! Let me be your Exibit A for this. I've had to realize this so many times. God has put these desires in my heart and has opened the doors for this. Who I am to disqualify myself when God Himself has qualified me? I could point to my weaknesses and insecurity, back away and not go. Trust me, this is an easy option. I've thought of how my life could be so much easier. I mean, I have a great job. I have good friends here. A good church. Why leave that? I don't think that I could ever quench the passion that He has put in me. I could never be satisfied with an American dream life, white picket fence and all. He has given me a dissatisfaction for that.

All of this to say, I am SO out of my comfort zone. In every way possible. All of this is so not me. A life of change. A life of uncertainty. Speaking in front of people. Being dependent on others. Being fully dependant on God. All of this. It has been SUCH a journey. It's hard; so hard. It's been so stretching. I have my good days and I have my bad days. It's been a rollercoaster in every way. I have become thankful for this time that God has given me, but it's taken a lot. That whole molding and shaping thing He does can be rough.

On happy notes, my brother Matt is getting married in 3 weeks! I'm pumped to go back to Iowa and be with the whole fam! I'm talking to a church back home about support which is a God thing. And I get to be at my home church! I miss it so much! And I am now heading to Elana Verstraete's 3rd birthday party! That girl is growing up so fast! I'm going to miss that family!

Off to some Italian food and the cutest birthday girl!

Sacrifice, Jim Elliot and Christian fish candies

I've started reading "Shadow of the Almighty", Elisabeth Elliot's compilation of her late husband Jim's journals, stories and more. This is one of those books that I can't believe that I had not read yet. 

With a Lifeway gift card in hand, I walked into the store about a month ago on a search for what to get. I had thought that this would be a somewhat quick trip in and out. I was wrong. I have a slight frustration with Christian bookstores as the whole idea of marketing Jesus makes me want to throw some tables, Jesus style. However, they are great. Really. Just avoid the fish candies at the register. Anyway, back to the story. I walked in on a hunt for a great challenging book. I had an idea of what I was wanting for but for some reason, I just couldn't figure out exactly what it was. At last, I had found about five books that I was seriously considering. It was a wide variety of authors and subjects. I really wanted something that would challenge me where I am at right now. With that, I chose two Elisabeth Elliot books; the aforementioned as well as one on personal discipline. 

Confession: I love to read...but I don't as much as I should. 

With that confession, I can say that I'm just beginning this book about a month after its purchase. I know. I've stopped hoping that "someday" all of my faults will be gone and realize that some things about me may just never change. For example, I will always procrastinate. However, there are so many things that I need to constantly strive to improve. I'll come up with that list later, procrastination style.

I'm eighty-five pages into the three hundred forty one page book. Not far. Far enough to be challenged and stretched? Affirmative. The life of Jim Elliot is inspiring and challenging. His focus was unbelievable. The pages are filled with stories of his dedication to the cause of Christ and his boldness to share it. It challenges how I view every single day of my life and what I fill them with. When the name "Jim Elliot" comes up, his death is what is most remembered. While reading I thought, "why?". Why did God allow such a passionate dedicated child of His die like this? Jim was doing so much for the Lord and inspired many in his life to serve Him better. Why did this happen? It occurred to me that it is what is most remembered that is the reason. Jim Elliot far glorified Christ more in his death than if he would have if he stayed alive. It was the boldness of Jim that stirs the passions of missionaries to this day; including this one (it's still weird to think of myself as one). It is the reaction of the wives of these men that encourages us to see the people we serve as those to be loved by Him as they went to the same men that killed their husbands to show them the love of Christ. We are to shine Christ's love through us; no matter if this love is returned. Is this not true in our own lives? In mine? Christ's love for me is overwhelming and more than I deserve. What have I done to deserve this? Who am I to receive this? How have I repaid this love? In love, Christ died in order that I would have eternal life. In love, Jim died in order that we would see Christ. It is this form of surrender that is so challenging. Jim described sacrifice like this:

"(Leviticus 17:10) He who consumes blood will ever have the face of God set against him. So with me. If I would save my life-blood, and forbear to pour it out as a sacrifice - thus opposing the example of my Lord - then must I know the flint of the face of God set against my purpose. Father, take my life, yea, my blood if Thou wilt, and consume it with Thine enveloping fire. I would not save it, for it is not mine to save. Have it, Lord, have it all. Pour out my life as an oblation for the world. Blood is only of value as it flows before Thine altar."

THIS is what Christianity is about. Jim's surrender and sacrifice are an example to all of us but more importantly, Christ was Jim's example. It is the sacrifice of Christ that shows us that if our Lord and Savior did this; sacrificed and surrendered it all, how can I refuse? I can't. My life is not my own and thus, not mine to save. The Christian life is hard! It is not easy. Hence my frustration with a marketable Jesus. Sacrifice isn't marketable. Suffering doesn't sell. It gives zero warm fuzzies. It is not sweet tasting, nor shaped like a fish. We look to the example of Christ as well as our fellow believers (check out Hebrews 11!) to spur us on; to help us keep going when we just want to give up. We sacrifice all. 

So, have it ALL, Lord. Have it all.