All along this whole missionary journey, I've said that I think it's crazy that I will be a missionary. Why? Ok, let's visualize this. You hear the word "missionary". What do you picture in your head? For me, I picture a homely woman with a weirdly patterned skirt that she made herself, hair in a bun and Proverbs 31 written all over her. She's calm, quiet and has twelve kids. Or so. She can quote any Scripture while at the same time show you how to make a meal over an open fire. She is super missionary woman; able to survive all and share Christ at the same time.
In case you don't know, I'm not that picture. I can't sew for my life (straight lines and I have never been friends), my hair is short (with some sass) and I'm sarcastic as all get out. I don't have kids (or a husband but that's another topic, right?). Oh, and I have this fear of fire. Matches freak me out. I'm all about those lighters that you can just click on. Cooking meals (ie. more than smores) over a fire would be frightening.
We all see our own weaknesses so clearly. I can point out all of the reasons why I don't fit into this missionary mold that I have created in my head. The beauty of it is that there is no mold. I've said this to a lot of my friends when referencing me as a missionary: our God is not a mold maker but a mold breaker! Yeah, it sounds cheesy...but it's so true! Let me be your Exibit A for this. I've had to realize this so many times. God has put these desires in my heart and has opened the doors for this. Who I am to disqualify myself when God Himself has qualified me? I could point to my weaknesses and insecurity, back away and not go. Trust me, this is an easy option. I've thought of how my life could be so much easier. I mean, I have a great job. I have good friends here. A good church. Why leave that? I don't think that I could ever quench the passion that He has put in me. I could never be satisfied with an American dream life, white picket fence and all. He has given me a dissatisfaction for that.
All of this to say, I am SO out of my comfort zone. In every way possible. All of this is so not me. A life of change. A life of uncertainty. Speaking in front of people. Being dependent on others. Being fully dependant on God. All of this. It has been SUCH a journey. It's hard; so hard. It's been so stretching. I have my good days and I have my bad days. It's been a rollercoaster in every way. I have become thankful for this time that God has given me, but it's taken a lot. That whole molding and shaping thing He does can be rough.
On happy notes, my brother Matt is getting married in 3 weeks! I'm pumped to go back to Iowa and be with the whole fam! I'm talking to a church back home about support which is a God thing. And I get to be at my home church! I miss it so much! And I am now heading to Elana Verstraete's 3rd birthday party! That girl is growing up so fast! I'm going to miss that family!
Off to some Italian food and the cutest birthday girl!